Change is an inevitable part of life, yet it remains one of the most challenging experiences we face. In the First Steps programme, we delve deep into the emotional and psychological dynamics that accompany change, helping individuals move through the transition from a place of resistance to acceptance and growth.
But why is change so difficult, and why do we resist it?
The Nature of Change
At its core, change confronts us with the uncomfortable reality that we must let go of something. Whether it’s a long-standing habit, a belief, or even an identity, letting go creates a sense of loss, which in turn triggers fear, sadness, and grief. Most of us are hard-wired to avoid these uncomfortable emotions, which is why we often resist change until our discomfort in the present becomes unbearable.
In this resistance, we get stuck. We hold onto the familiar, even if it no longer serves us. As human beings, we find safety in routine and predictability. It’s why the idea of stepping into the unknown feels so daunting. True change and transformation, however, can only happen when the discomfort of staying the same outweighs our fear of the future.
The Cycle of Change: Kubler-Ross and Beyond
In her seminal work on grief, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross identified a cycle of emotions that humans experience when faced with a gap between expectation and reality. This cycle—shock, anger, denial, resistance, and eventually acceptance—applies not only to grief but to any significant life change. Understanding this emotional journey can help us navigate transitions with more ease and self-compassion.
We all experience this cycle, multiple times a day in fact. Some instances are fleeting, like the annoyance of running out of milk for our cup of tea, while others are far more profound and life-changing, such as transitioning out of a long-held career or shifting our identity. This emotional navigation is the essence of what we call transition—a journey that can take moments, or years.
Survival Mode: The Role of Triggers
In both humans and animals, our responses to change are shaped by survival instincts. Take rats, for example. Naturally playful and adventurous, they retreat into survival mode at the sight or smell of a single cat hair. For us, the equivalent is the SCARF model, which identifies five key triggers that activate our internal survival mechanisms—status, certainty, autonomy, relatedness, and fairness. These triggers activate our fight-flight-freeze-fawn responses, driving us into self-protection mode and preventing us from accessing the calm and balanced state necessary for embracing change.
During moments of fear or threat, we gravitate toward survival patterns that pull us into either playing small (pleasing others, freezing) or playing large (proving our strength, fighting). These moments of self-protection leaves us stuck, unable to move a place of greater harmony and balance.
Understanding Triggers: Identifying Your Patterns
In our workshop sessions, we invite participants to reflect on their personal triggers and how they influence their behaviour. Some may find themselves prone to fight-flight responses, while others lean toward freeze-fawn behaviours. By understanding how these patterns manifest, we can begin to disrupt them, making room for more constructive responses to change.
As we explore the identity of the athlete in particular, we can see how deeply these survival strategies are ingrained. The athlete’s identity is often built on four key beliefs: “This is who I am”, “This is what I believe”, “This is what I’m good at”, and “This is where I do it”. Any disruption in these areas, whether through injury, retirement, or a change in circumstances, brings forth the emotional rollercoaster of transition.
The Athlete’s Identity: A Mindset of Competition
Athletes live in a world of constant competition. Their identity is defined by winning, strength, and performance—qualities that are reinforced over years of training and competition. While these beliefs provide a clear path to success in sport, they can also trap athletes in a relentless pursuit of perfection, often at the cost of their well-being.
“I’ll be happy when…” becomes the mantra—happy when they win, happy when they achieve their next goal. This mindset, while initially helpful in sport, can be deeply damaging outside of it. The warrior mentality that once propelled athletes to victory can leave them perpetually dissatisfied, always seeking the next challenge, yet never finding true fulfilment.
Relocation, Transition, and Transformation
When athletes retire, many attempt to “relocate”—to find a new environment where they can replicate the sense of home and safety they once found in sport. This phase, though natural, often leads to stagnation. True transformation requires more than simply changing environments; it requires a shift in mindset and identity.
In the First Steps programme, we support athletes as they move from relocation to true transformation. This involves letting go of the old identities tied to winning and competition and embracing a new sense of self that isn’t defined by external achievements.
From Threat to Opportunity: Reframing Change
Our aim is to help individuals, particularly athletes, reframe change not as a loss but as an opportunity. As they navigate the predictable stages of the transition curve, they can begin to see not just what they stand to lose but what they stand to gain.
By exploring the mindset and identity shifts necessary for true transformation, we encourage participants to examine the stories they tell themselves: “I must be perfect”, “I need to win”, “I should be strong”. These stories may hold some truth but also contain shadows—traps that prevent growth. It is only by unpacking these beliefs and their associated behaviours that we can begin the work of true transformation.
Embracing the Messiness of Change
Transition is rarely smooth or linear. It’s messy, challenging, and often painful. But it is through this messiness that real transformation happens. By holding space for the discomfort of not knowing, we allow for new growth and possibilities.
The First Steps programme offers a roadmap for navigating life’s inevitable transitions. Through self-awareness, an understanding of survival triggers, and a reframing of old beliefs, individuals can move from a place of fear and resistance to one of acceptance and growth. Whether you’re an athlete in transition or someone grappling with change in other areas of life, this module provides the tools and insights needed to embrace the journey of transformation.
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