When I first came to coaching, my approach was almost entirely future-focused. It was always about achieving the next success. In sport, in business, in life my mantra had been “be strong, be independent, and achieve stuff.” That drive had served me well. But, if I’m honest, it was also a mask. A suit of armour that let me move forward without ever having to stop and really look at what might be going on beneath the surface.
For much of my life – whether in sport, education, or work – I was motivated by a deep need to prove myself. I needed to demonstrate strength, competence, capability. And, for a long time, that worked. Chasing new goals – getting selected for a new team, a promotion, the next objective measure of success – delivered a hit of satisfaction. But the happiness never lasted. Because underneath all that achievement was a vulnerability I didn’t want to acknowledge, let alone embrace.
The Limitations of “Goal-based” Coaching
Conventional coaching, at least as I first encountered it, feeds and rewards this mindset. Coaching is brilliant at helping people move from where they are to where they want to be. We set big goals, make plans, and then chase those targets with focus and determination.
But there’s a catch. This approach can easily become a way of denying or avoiding uncomfortable feelings and parts of ourselves we’d rather not face. We end up thinking, “I’ll be happy when I make the team,” or “I’ll be satisfied when I get the bonus,” or “I’ll finally be content when I hit that next achievement.” The horizon always moving further away. There’s always a new target, something new to chase. We learn to push happiness into the future, never allowing ourselves to pause and appreciate what’s here, now.
That’s what happened to me. Achievement became a mechanism for outrunning my deeper vulnerability. I was fighting harder and harder, chasing the next success, trying to find something outside of me that would finally satisfy the insatiable itch, and once and for all allow me to prove myself and finally feel ‘successful’.
The Spiritual Switch: Coming Into the Present
Spirituality wasn’t part of my original playbook. If anything, it felt a bit woo-woo, a distraction from what was important. But over time, the relentless “future focus” left me exhausted – and, in quieter moments, dissatisfied and lost. Meditation, yoga and other spiritual and contemplative practices gave me something coaching never did – permission to press pause. Not just to slow down, but to genuinely notice what was happening inside.
Through these practices, I learned the art of mindfulness – of paying attention to the present moment, the breath, the sensations, the emotions, and, perhaps most importantly, the thoughts running through my mind. The philosophy of yoga introduced me to Samtosa – the practice of deliberate contentment. For someone who was always striving, it was a game-changer, intentionally stopping to be grateful, to appreciate the present moment, however imperfect.
By simply witnessing my internal world – becoming a compassionate observer of my thoughts and feelings – I no longer had to run from vulnerability. I could see it, acknowledge it, and let it be part of my story, without letting it define me. Mindfulness gave me the space to step back, to separate myself from the endless “proving” and “achieving.” This was a chance to develop self-compassion rather than self-criticism. To embrace the strength within the vulnerability and acknowledging the vulnerability within the strength.
Non-Attachment and the Witnessing Mind
One of the greatest gifts of spiritual work has been learning non-attachment. Before, I thought non-attachment was about indifference or apathy, but it’s actually about perspective. When I could step behind my vulnerability – witness it, rather than be controlled by it – I saw the patterns that had been running my life: the drive to be strong and independent, the impulse to prove myself, the reluctance to show weakness.
None of these patterns are inherently bad. They protected me at one point, allowed me to find ‘success’ in competitive environments. But they also kept parts of myself hidden, even from myself. Spiritual practice let me see those old coping mechanisms for what they were, unlocking the potential for new ways of relating to myself and others.
Therapy: Feeling Into the Past
If spirituality is about pressing pause and noticing, therapy has been the process of feeling into the past and exploring those hidden parts more deeply. Through therapy, I’ve come to understand forces that shaped me – the childhood experiences, formative environments, and the protective strategies I developed. It’s not always comfortable work, but it has been invaluable.
Therapy invites us to explore and embrace the more tender aspects of ourselves – for me, that meant listening to the voice of the little boy inside of me who was crying for help. Rather than just witnessing vulnerability, therapy asks us to feel into it, to process it, to bring compassion and acceptance to those younger, hurt parts. When combined with the foundation of mindfulness from spiritual practice, therapy provides the safety and courage to do this work.
A Human First Philosophy: An Integrated Approach
A truly ‘Human First’ approach accesses the full human potential before and beyond the rigid identification with the ‘achiever’. The driving philosophy integrates all three modalities: coaching, spirituality, and therapy. Each has a vital role to play:
– Coaching provides the tools and structure for goal-setting, growth, and performance.
– Spirituality fosters present moment awareness, non-attachment, and cultivates self-compassion.
– Therapy helps us explore the roots of our patterns, heal old wounds and meet vulnerability with courage.
I believe that high achievers in sport and business – people who thrive on goal-setting and achievement – stand to gain the most by broadening the scope of their personal development. When working with clients, the Human First approach allows us to address the future and the past, and to learn to truly inhabit the present. This enables people to become more resilient, more authentic, and, ultimately, more fulfilled.
Coaching in this way is about empowerment – allowing our clients to gain a choice – to become response-able rather than reactive. To choose how they respond, to choose how they use their energy, to be discerning and intentional about what to focus on.
This isn’t about becoming less driven or losing the “edge” that pushes us forward. Instead, it’s about looking inwards: connecting to the courage to know ourselves, and the wisdom to recognise when striving serves us and when it holds us back.
I’ve been working with CEO for a number of years, the Human First approach has allowed us to explore multiple dimensions of his life – not only is he more effective as a leader, delivering measurable results in a complex and competitive business environment; but he is happier and more fulfilled in his work with better relationships with his team, and he is also a better father and husband with a richer, more rewarding home life.
Reflections for Coaches and High Achievers
If you’re a coach – or someone who regularly mentors others – I encourage you to reflect: Are you fostering an environment where vulnerability is not just tolerated but welcomed as a source of strength and connection?
And if you’re someone used to charging ahead, always chasing the next target, consider: What might become possible for you if you pressed pause? How might you benefit from investing in spiritual or therapeutic practices?
I’ve found that the richest, most lasting growth comes from integrating all parts of the human experience – achievement, awareness, and acceptance. The ‘Human First’ approach is about honouring the full spectrum of who we are: past, present, and future.
Be Courageous. Reclaim Your Potential. Shape Your Future.
Join the discussion:
I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences.
How have you integrated spirituality or therapy into your own journey?
How has your relationship with achievement changed over time?
Clear view 