The Insecure High Achiever

Childhood Conditioning and the Roots of Insecurity

We are all conditioned by our early childhood experiences. Some of those are positive and some less so. The work of Gabor Maté and Bessel van der Kolk both points to the impact of big T and little t trauma and the imprint it leaves on us.

For many of us, there will have been a moment when we didn’t receive the exact love and attention we needed. Our immature brains couldn’t yet recognise the fallibility of our caregivers, that they were doing their best but could never be there for us 100% of the time.

This is an essential part of our learning: we are loved, and we also need to be able to love and protect ourselves in those moments when others might not be available.

But our immature brains may interpret those moments differently. Instead, we may believe: “I did something wrong,” or worse, “I am wrong.” From there, survival strategies emerge – proving our worth, pleasing others, hiding perceived flaws – all to avoid the fear of rejection or abandonment.

These adaptations become the foundation of our ego: the beliefs about who we are and how we must be. They form the persona or mask we wear to fit in and be accepted.

When Trauma Fuels Achievement

For some, this conditioning fuels a relentless drive to perform, compete, and achieve. Research behind the phrase “talent needs trauma” (Sarkar, M., & Fletcher, D. 2017) suggests that adverse childhood experiences can, in some instances, become the source of the resilience essential for elite performance.

The insecure overachiever is common in competitive environments. We see it in sport and business, but also in politics, education, the arts, and entertainment. The drive to succeed can mask an inner vulnerability, or serve as a way to suppress, deny, or numb inner pain.

The Maladaptive Edge

These tendencies can skew into the maladaptive: narcissism, psychopathy, obsession, and masochism. While these sound extreme, they exist on spectrums. Amy Izycky’s research (Skewed to the Right, 2019) suggests that many successful athletes lean further along these spectrums when compared to the general population.

I’m not diagnosing anyone here, but we can all think of sports stars or business leaders whose extreme behaviours fit these patterns. The survival strategies within them – self-focus, compartmentalising, suppressing emotions, obsessive attention to detail, and a willingness to suffer more than anyone else – are highly effective in competitive arenas. Not only are they normalised, they are often celebrated and worn as badges of honour.

It is true in sport; it is true in business too.

Of course, not every high achiever fits this profile. But in hyper-competitive environments, the risk of these traits taking root – and being rewarded – is high.

The Personal and Collective Cost

And it is not healthy. For the individual, the relentless pursuit of success carries the trappings of addiction: burnout, perpetual dissatisfaction, and the sense that nothing is ever enough.

For organisations and society, the problem is wider. The success of these individuals means they are often promoted and become leaders. The danger is that they shape environments in their own image – overtly performative, fear-based, and intolerant of perceived weakness. Toxic cultures are often born this way.

We can see examples of it in team dynamics, organisational cultures, and on a larger scale in the economy and politics. Much of today’s chaos is fuelled by insecure overachievers in positions of power, their unresolved wounds being played out in public arenas.

Breaking the Cycle

So, what can we do about it? It starts at the individual level. As Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” It requires emotional intelligence and the courage to look in the mirror: am I part of the problem, or part of the solution?

We all have these tendencies to some degree. We all have our own traumas to heal and outdated survival strategies that can get in the way of us being generous, compassionate, and collaborative.

For those of us in leadership or positions of influence, the responsibility is greater. We must do the inner work to recognise how much of our behaviour is driven by self-protection and begin to heal our own wounds. Only then can we create healthy, psychologically informed environments that sustain meaningful performance.

Conscious Leadership

This is not about giving up our competitive edge, it is about discovering ways to embrace new choices. We can be strong and vulnerable, ruthless and compassionate, confident and humble. Embracing these paradoxes is at the heart of Amy Walters-Cohen’s work and research (Ruthlessly Caring ,2023).

The Human First philosophy supports leaders to step into this new paradigm.

The leaders of today are shaping the cultures of tomorrow. The choice is ours: do we keep building environments based on insecurity, or do we find another way? 

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More About Human First:

The Human First approach is built on over 30 years of inquiry, research, and work with high performers in sport and business.

It is the driving philosophy behind:

• Human Dynamics in Action – a consulting practice providing executive coaching, team facilitation, and leadership development programmes.
• Human-First Athlete Transitions – specialist support for athletes navigating the emotional journey out of sport through one-to-one coaching, online programmes, and residential retreats.

If you want to know more, or wish to book a call please contact rick@h-d-i-a.com

Be Courageous. Reclaim Your Potential. Shape Your Future.