How many of us have a belief that we are not enough – a belief that we need to do something to be loved and accepted?
A belief that we might not be good enough as we are – a belief that we have to something to prove our worth.
A belief that we might have done something wrong – a belief that we have to do something to make up for it and to please others.
These can be the underlying beliefs that shape our personality and drive our behaviours. These thoughts then shape our relationships at home and at work. We feel compelled to work hard to overcome the insecurity of not being enough.
The challenge is that these behaviours are strategies that only provide short term relief. We make the effort to prove our worth or please others and we are briefly rewarded by the dopamine hit of short-term success. But as soon as that wears off, the sense of not being enough returns so we have to begin again.
This is how the ego, the story we tell ourselves that supports our habitual patterns, can be the very thing that gets in the our own way. The ego was formed to keep us safe, to develop intelligent strategies that help us survive. As our protector it is reluctant to give up habits that have worked in the past. For that reason, it looks for reasons to justify its existence. It is one of the reasons that it will push away compliments and cling onto criticisms. While we long to be loved and crave acceptance for who we are without the effort-ing of doing something, the ego secretly prefers the negative feedback. Hoping to find something within the criticism that will allow it to perfect its strategy and discover the exact and specific thing that will finally and forever prove that we are worthy of love and acceptance.
The cruel irony is that whilst the ego is doing this it is preventing us from hearing the positive feedback, stopping us receiving the compliments and love that are being gifted to us. All too often it is our own inner narrative that is perpetuating this sense that we are not enough.
There are people in our lives who see the potential within us that we may be blind to. Others who believe we are more beautiful, stronger, more capable than we dare believe about ourselves.
Maybe it’s time we started to seek out our supporters, to find those people who love and believe in us and start listening to what they have to say. Start believing what they believe about us. Start believing in ourselves. We might be surprised by how good we actually are.
Clear view 