Many of us carry an inner voice that whispers – I’ll be happy when, safe when, loveable when – constantly trying to solve a problem.
We become a ‘doing’ – how do I survive, how do I fit in, what do I need to do to be accepted.
These are the forces that shaped us. They are the beliefs that make up the stories we tell ourselves – and the forces that continue to define who we are.
They are the busy-ness of the thinking mind. The lenses we see the world through. Our conditioning. The foundation of our personality.
It is the structure that shapes us.
The armour that protects us.
The mask we hide behind.
It is our vigilance, our sensitivity, our protection against having to feel what we don’t want to feel. Exposing our vulnerability once caused us unbearable pain. We learned to hide it behind the narrative of happy when. As long as we are travelling away from the pain we feel safe.
We don’t want to feel fear. We are ashamed, embarrassed, guilty or anxious, so we numb, deflect, distract, suppress, deny or hide it away behind our doing.
The same happens for anger, sadness and even joy. The vulnerability of the emotion wasn’t welcome; we learned to retreat into the loop of our doing. Or we feared the emotion would overwhelm us, so again the loop became the safe way out.
But at what cost? Denying our truth, hiding essential parts of ourselves away. We took on the beliefs of others and learned that parts of us were unworthy, unlovable. Self-loathing and insecurity shaping who we are. Afraid to show our whole selves for fear of rejection or ridicule.
So, we live behind masks, carry the weight of our armour, limit who we are in the hope that others will accept us.
It takes courage to lower our shields and put down our swords. To drop our defences so that our vulnerabilities are exposed. To stop the patterns of withdrawing or pushing others away. It takes courage to allow people in, to let them get close enough to see what we are scared of, to show them the inner child we have hidden away.
And when we do, it takes even more courage to stay with it. To feel the pain again, and to surrender to it. To feel the pain without picking up the sword, without reaching for the shield.
But that is where we learn. Where we can rewrite the stories. Where we can change our narrative.
Coming behind and beyond the thinking mind, recognising the story is just a story. The ‘doing’ is trained to look for the same problem – the hero looking for another dragon to slay.
Softening and melting into our being.
And the only way is love and trust. Trusting we are loveable as we are. Loving ourselves as we are. Accepting ourselves as we are. Loving the story and letting go of the story.
Glimpsing the possibilities of a world beyond the doing, beyond the story. Unhooking from the narrative.
It can start with a simple question – what is here now if there is no problem to solve?
This meditation from Loch Kelly can open us up to new possibilities. It can provide a moment to pause, to let the problem-solving mind rest, and to glimpse a world of ‘being’ – nothing to do, nothing to prove, no one to please.
Clear view 